Government bans 84 pornographic websites, freeing Bangladesh of lewdness forever.

Titubajar, Borisal: According to XBiz Newswire, the GOB has banned 84 adult websites that featured "well-known Bangladeshi celebrities in obscene poses". We at Joruri Khobor come out of our vacation to congratulate the government on a timely and effective move. There is no doubt that this will bring an end to the perversion and lewdness that has plagued the country ever since the introduction of dialup online browsing in 2005.

The background of the story is quite simple: with the internet came obscene websites. Before the internet, one had to go through a lengthy process in order to procure pornography or any sort of obscene materials. As Ahsan Talukder said, "There used to be a bureaucratic dignity in obtaining smut. It was a good source of revenue for our printing industry. The government levied its 'informal taxes' in the form of bribes to the police. But thanks to the internet, there is smut everywhere, and nobody is benefiting from it."

With the internet having become the primary source of a young Bangladeshi's pornography, our cinema industry has also suffered. Monowar Hossain Dipjol, famous film producer, method actor and convicted murderer, thinks that the internet will ruin the talents of aspiring young artistes. "Every one of my music videos has high production values. In Kolshi Phuta Koira Dimu, there are four 35mm cameras being used in one scene alone. When Billu Dakat points his gun at the heroine and laughs, there is genuine emotion on my face. Do you think I could have learned this by browsing JoubonJala? No. It took me years of actual villainy to get to where I am."

There are detractors to the government's ban, as there are bound to be howling, scavenging dogs at every marriage feast. Some cynics say that since these websites are outside of the Bangladeshi government's jurisdiction, it will be relatively easy for webmasters to set up new pornographic websites. They say that today there are only 84 obscene websites on the internet, but tomorrow there may be 85, 86 or even a hundred. We sincerely hope that these detractors are shot.

Pictured: Munmun, in a non-obscene pose.

Bonus video:



Top 10 Responses to Telling People You're Divorced

By Hunter-walli, Mohila Correspondent

1. (The case being that you're fairly young, female and Bangladeshi) Random nurse at a hospital remarking upon the fact that the former husband was very good looking (i.e. forsha) and the wife wasn't (i.e. kaalo), "It's a problem if you marry men who are too good looking. They don't want to stay with you for too long.

2. A "well-wishing" neighbor assuming that the wife was the dumped instead of the dumpee, "It happens. Men do go after prettier women after a while. Why don't you enroll in a gym?"

3. A relative of the former husband who had no idea of anything that had been happening, "Divorce? Oh, poor thing, he's alone now! I hope you left him the baby?"

4. A friend's mother, "I knew this was going to happen. Women should only wear saris after marriage and give up salwar kameezes."

5. A female relative, "Oh, how sad. You know, I told you three years ago to take another baby, and now there's no chance, you're stuck with one child."

6. A shocked newspaper editor on being told of the divorce and the causes (mental and physical abuse), "But are you sure about the physical abuse? Were you there?"

7. A (former) aunt-in-law, "Oh, that's okay. I'm sure he'll forgive you and take you back once the three months of iddat are over."

8. A college friend met after a gap of about ten years (in a wailing tone), "But I've just bought a wedding gift for you since I hadn't given you anything back then!"

9. A friend's (Jamaati) uncle: (Raised eyebrows, gunshot comments, each repeated for effect) "Oh!" Brief pause. Then. "Unfortunate, unfortunate, not to worry, not to worry, try again, try again!"

And the undoubted winner:

10. A police officer at the Thana while recording the information for a General Diary against the battering husband, "Oh, you want to do a GD, domestic violence." Looking up from the huge register book, "So are you married?"

PICTURED: May divorce be with you.

Opposition Party and FDC fighting over Blagojevich

Rod Blagojevich, the American with the cough-like name, is being courted by certain parties in Bangladesh.

Political analyst Khokon Bass says, "Blagojevich, in spite of his name, faith and nationality, actually portrays the roister-doistering, thrust-and-parry political style that is more in tune with Bangladesh than with America. It's a rat race and he is a fat cat. It's a dog eat dog world and he is a son of a bitch."

Well spoken, Khokon! Opposition party leader Begum Kutubunnesa, mother-in-law to the country and CEO of Bangladesh Moulik Committee or BMC, said in a recent press conference: "Now that the police have thrown eggs at my nephews, they don't want to enter politics anymore. They are more interested in X-Box and illegal international bank accounts. Blagojevich has the kind of strategizing and maneuvering skills that I feel exemplify BMC's style. Plus, he has hair just like mine. I am dying to use his perming machine and I doubt I would get it if he were sent to jail in America."

But while Begum Kutubunnesa has her sights set on Blagojevich, so does a certain non-political but very influential industry: FDC! Upon being interviewed, famous FDC extra Nirob Bhuiyan said: "With Ilias Kanchon getting boring and old, and Monowar Hussain Dipjol in jail, we stand a very real chance of losing the public's interest. Blagojevich can fill that gap. He is, first of all, whiter in skintone than even Salman Shah. Secondly, he is like Raja in the movie Sheersho Shontrashi--he is both a hero and a villain. Like an anti-hero or rather, to use the proper term, hillain. His hair and his spoken English will take him far in the Dhaliwood industry."

Whether or not Blagojevich joins politics or movies, it seems like he has a fun life ahead of him! And here he was trying to sell a black man's leavings.

PICTURED: Blagojevich's first possible movie. A sound career choice? We at JK think so!