Bangladesh Sneers at Barack Obama

It should be remembered that we Bangladeshis are critical of non-democratic processes. Our leaders come from political families whose backgrounds in leadership and inherited prestige give them an upper hand in running our country. The Americans, our brothers in democracy (but our enemies in being non-Muslim) have elected a man with very little family background in politics. Yet, he is not all bad.

Barack Obama is a man who has many exemplary qualities that all of us should aspire to. For example, he is not George Bush. This single virtue should be enough to make Americans grateful to him. For eight years, they wished for a President who was not George Bush, and even went to the length of not voting for him, but their wishes did not come true until now. However, it is an unquestionable truth that Barack Obama is not George Bush.

We at Joruri Khobor ask: is being not George Bush enough to make a good President? He might be good enough for America, but he's not good enough for us. Here are the reasons why.

a) Barack Obama is the first black president of the United States. Good for you, America! But we have had halwa-colored Presidents and Prime Ministers for thirty eight years! You can brag about how you have a President who is not a white man, but our ruler, the most beloved Bongokhalamma Begum Humayunnesa, is neither white nor a man!

b) Barack Obama ran a grassroots campaign and raised money, in small amounts, from an unprecedented number of people. Nigga please. Tengku Rahman, the third cousin of the nation (twice removed, especially after the last government), set up a system where every bus travelling from Dhaka to Narayanganj paid him five takas per ticket sold. Compared to that, Mr. Barack so-called Hussein Obama is nothing.

c) Barack Obama started off at a community college and went on to study in Columbia and Harvard Universities. Most Bangladeshi politicians begin their studies at community centers and often travel to Colombo and in some cases get degrees from Harvard International University, Jhikatola (not affiliated with Harvard University).

d) Barack Obama inspired record numbers of people to vote for the first time. As you will know from reading Joruri Khobor, Bangladesh is the most democratic country in the world, and Barack Obama's tinpot democracy does not impress us. Our elections get 100% voter turnouts. As a matter of fact, this past election, Deshpremik Dol got 120% votes, exceeding the number of people who are currently alive in Bangladesh. We believe that the number of votes is a reflection of people's faith in Deshpremik Dol.

This was a Joruri Khobor exclusive report.

PICTURED: Barack Hussein Obama as simply Hussein the Bangladeshi.