Government discovers Bhasha Andolon actually took place on 22nd February

Godaipur, Khulna: A government-sponsored research team has discovered a glaring flaw in our historical records. Up till now, the Bhasha Andolon Dibosh or Language Revolution Day was believed to have taken place on 21st February 1952. However, according to the Historical Ontological Genuineness Association or HOGA, the actual date of the Bhasha Andolon is 22 February 1953. HOGA is of course responsible for the recent historical corrections and renamings that have been taking place under the new government.

Professor Jackson Jahangir, Chairman of HOGA, says: “The events of the Bhasha Andolon actually took place on 22nd February, 1953. And, I know this sounds strange, but the martyrs who gave their lives on that defining day of Bangladeshi history were not called Salam, Barkat, Rafiq, Sofiur, or Jabbar. Their names were actually Monowar, Tanvir, Fahad, Shahriar, and James. This is historical fact. I don’t know why all these history books, newspapers, television channels, and peoples’ memories got it wrong. Must be some kind of mass delusion.”

Indeed, the HOGA, formed under the auspices of our beloved and sane Begum Humayunnesa of Deshpremik Dol, has discovered many such glaring errors in our nation’s historical continuity. Supporters of this new government program compare our record-keeping to the movie The Matrix, where a set of computer programs create an illusion that is shared by many humans. The only difference is that instead of a struggle between good and evil and organic life versus inorganic nonlife, what Bangladesh faces is a struggle between incompetence and stupidity.

Joruri Khobor caught up with Mohon Rana, a supporter of this new plan. “I think it’s a great thing that they have finally implemented a way for us to keep track of these things. I remember when we all forgot the name of Jamuna Bridge and the government had to gently remind us. It’s in our nature as Bangladeshis—we constantly forget things!”

Like every government innovation, this new discovery has its detractors. Renowned English editor Mahboob Kalam has lambasted HOGA for wanting to rename our only international airport. He said, “Isn’t it more important that decades of history be honored than some pen-pusher’s dream of entitlement be fulfilled? Do you think that you can say that the Bhasha Andolon took place on 22 February just because some guy says it did? If you rename the airport, will it change anything? Pilots and passengers alike will still call it the spittoon of South-East Asia. As Shakespeare said, What’s in a name? You can call actress Poppy by the name of Akmol and she will remain a delectable jiggling jello.”

In the meantime, Bangladeshi Moulik Party or BMP has issued an official warning; "If the government chooses to persist in their devious plan of changing the date for Omor Ekushey, then we shall change our Liberation Day to 27 March and Victory Day to 17 December. Be warned. Whatever the outcome may be, we at Joruri Khobor support the government. Surely this historical revision is the product of real research and not misguided propaganda from an uneducated and senile bunch of fools!

Pictured: government revisions of previous 21st February 1952 pictures.