Bangladesh bans Youtube: "Govt to remain focused on serious issues" says Humayunnessa

Chondrima Phuchka Stall, Chandni Chowk: Begum Humayunnessa outlined the basis of her government policy and style. The most important message she had to say to her fifteen crore admirers is that the GOB or Government of Bangladesh will remain focused on serious issues, the ones that really matter.

"We came to power by positioning ourselves as an alternative to the corrupt regime of Deshpremik Dol and the non-corrupt Army-run government. We promised to tread the middle ground of non-corrupt incompetence and corrupt incompetence. And I think that we have succeeded," said Begum Humayunnessa. "Our most important achievement thus far has been the blocking of immoral Western video site Youtube, and the citizenship cancelation of Bangladeshi Youtube co-creator Jawed Karim." This was received with widespread applause.

The only note of protest was from an effeminate Daily Star reporter with a British accent. He said, "I have been raised in the UK, and I think that the government should concentrate on fixing the myriad problems besieging our country right now. For example, the BDR perpetrators have not yet been brought to justice."

Humayunnessa's spokesperson translated her response: "First things first. There are criminals from three decades ago that we need to catch. We will punish the BDR perpetrators in due time, by 2045." It should also be noted that she has hired special investigators from the RIAA of America, and Swedish-American rocker Lars Ulrich, to head the BDR investigation.

Perhaps there is a secret motive behind all this. Rumors abound that the main reason for the YouTube banning is an overabundance of Hanif Shongket videos which were infringing on his copyrights. We at Joruri Khobor consulted our internet expert, Mollik "Mash" Mustafiz. He said "The nature of the internet is such that banning one site cannot suppress media. Digital duplication allows us all to act as virtual file servers. We can mirror these files anywhere we wish and confuse the government simply by renaming or re-encoding the files from Pirated_Ittadi.mpg to Chayachondo.mpg. We cannot, however, duplicate Mr. Shongket's genius in giving J R Ewing's a Noakhali accent."

To prove his point, he has even linked the Ittadi episodes in question on this link. We at Joruri Khobor laugh for after all here is a man who named himself after a TV show that has been off air for ages!

Begum Humayunnessa will be broadcasting her speeches via Radio Foorti, now that YouTube is gone. She also said "If these YouTube files are mirrored anywhere else, I will ban those sites too! I can ban any site I want and after all, it is the government that puts the Ban in Bangladesh."