Pithapara, Dec 29: Tolpar Jahangir Titu, populist candidate from BMC (Bangladesh Moulik Committee), has been accused of standing in the national elections without having bribed any party or government officials.
“Titu Jahangir has made a mockery of our democratic process. He will be excommunicated from the Party. This is not only a disgrace to the fine traditions set by Shahid Jobbar Ali, but also goes against the philosophy of Dhara Mahallah.” Begum Kutubunnesa said that once she is elected, she will hang Titu Jahangir or at the very least give him an ambassadorship to an unpleasant country.
When questioned, Titu said: “I am a patriot. I love my country. Begum Kutubunnesa is like a mother to me. I have never sinned against my country and I have never sinned against Begum Kutubunnesa. I can only hope and pray that the vilifiers who have poisoned our glorious leader’s ear with their calumnies will choke to death on the foul substance of their own evil, that they will see their wives and children burning in agony and shame. This is part of a conspiracy to undermine all true patriots. Why would I deprive my superiors of their tariff? Am I a gunda-panda from the streets? Am I just a thug? Was it not my hand that wielded the Molatovs that hurled against the tyrant’s glass window in the andolon 1990, shattering them and wounding his only daughter? Did I not face bullets for my Begum?”
The people of Pithapara have not been very communicative. Makhon Miah, resident of Pithapara for twelve generations, said “We don’t know who this Tolpar Titu is. He’s just here for the election. He’ll be gone again when it ends. Life goes on.” Just then, however, a moshaal micchil (procession with fire-torches) went past, with over three hundred and twenty people shouting “Amar bhai, tomar bhai, Titu bhaiyer mukti chai!” Titu is, however, not incarcerated at the present time.
This is not Tolpar’s first scandal, but it is his first major one.
PICTURED: Tolpar Jahangir Titu.
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